We are two totally awesome ladies who lived the life of celibacy for eight months. It sucked but we both learned alot. Bookcase lives in the mountains of the south and is classy and assertive, baking her muffins and walking her rottweiler. Pootalatte (me) lives in the coastal marshlands of the south and I am wild and emotional, going to college and walking my yorkie/chihuahua. We basically talk about our sex lives and being single/not single/maybe single?
i have the biggest fucking crush on one of the maintenance d00dz at AASU and today instead of a lawnmower he was driving a bulldozer and pulling up pear trees. sex. sex. sex. like how hawt would that be? SEX ON A BULLDOZER WITH MAINTENANCE MAN WHO WEARS A STRAW HAT WHILE LISTENING TO LYNRD SKYNRD? fuck yuh d00dz.
i have these new upstairs neighbors and i hadn't met them yet. well i am chillin in bed, watchin some lesbo porn via internetz and twiddlin' the fiddle when they decide to knock on my back door and introduce themselves. i was so flustered and for some reason felt the need to answer the door, with my unzipped pants and see through tank top and lesbo porn playing loudly on my computer. we tried to make awkward conversation and it was a bit humiliating as i was trying to discreetly cover my nipples and speak louder than the moans coming from my bedroom. gaaaaaaawd. fml.
atleast they seem nice is a bro way and one of them is kind of cute in a bro way, and they were drinkin' high life and smokin cigs on a sunday afternoon, so i am gonna go with a thumbs up. maybe we can get over our first meeting and be errr friends.
i wish #413 had conversational skills beyond talking itself, but its like whatever, i am a cancer, i was born to listen i guess. sometimes i just want to quiz #92 to see if it even listens to what i say, which i am pretty sure is a negatory. thats what girlfriends are for i suppose.
so funny story. somehow jesus found my blog, not i like keep the shit hidden or anything, but yeah it was found and he was reading it and like totez spazzing out because, like, he was under the divine idea that when i called him jesus i meant it as if he was uhhhmm, god like, or some er supernatural creature.
first. hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. second. no.
regular blog readers (all six of us) know that we give everyone nicknames to protect their precious identities and we like to base those nicknames off of some stupid or random or major aspect of their lives. well anywaaaays, jesus is a christian, and if you know me you think that is reallllllly funny, and if you don't know me then it isss reaaaalllly funny. for me the natural nickname for now unnicknamed person would be jesus, because it seems to be the most offensive, and i generally like to piss people off. i mean we aren't suppose to use the great lord's name in vain right? and ain't jesus the same thing as god, and the holy spirit. the fucking holy trinity right? yeah so that is where jesus came from. because i don't believe in him and shit so you know whatever. not gonna get all fucking religious up in hurr dudes, just wanted to relate to ya'll how dat situation went. HE THOUGHT I THOUGHT HE WAS LIKE JESUS OR SOMETHING. IN A SEXUAL WAY? i dunno, whatevs.
in other news, there was this crazy motherfucking downpour of rain the other day as i was walking from the health clinic (im finally gettin a real HIV test yay!) to class which is like a mile away and of course i didn't have a motherfucking umbrella so i got drenched. like drenched. then via text:
pootalatte: i am really horny right now. it is either because of the way my wet tank top is clinging to my bare breasts and stimulating my nipples or because of this awful rendition of oedipus rex we are watching in class. is this text too erotic? my bad. bookcase: no more than usual.
and then i went and masturbated in the the unisex/disable people/professor/only private bathroom on campus. i figured i am unisex, and i am mentally disabled, and maybe one day i will be a professor and freaking out all the freshman girls in the public bathroom was a bad idea, so i was allowed to use it yo.
i miss bookcase so much. and last night i came to the realization that out of all the tv relationships out there jd and turk from scrubs def best represents us.
vv
OH AND NOW UNNICKNAMED PERSON NEEDS A NEW NICKNAME. if ya'll choose to participate then maybe i will let you folks pick the nickname. if not, bookcase and i will choose some tard'd demeaning nickname. shout out some suggestion brahs.
today Bookcase and I were discussing how in 3-4 years we are going to buy a house together (we are starting to save now), we decided to go with a sea shanty as opposed to a townhouse in D.C. because well quite frankly, sea shanties are cheaper and well, sunnier. so we were talking about all the excitedness of buying a home together and then we were trying to figure out how we could some how turn a profit out of it and then it was decided we would just buy an old motel, and then some how it was declared that it would be a sextel with like kitschy sex rooms and key parties and shit. and then it was like WHY DOES EVERYTHING WE TALK ABOUT TURN INTO SEX AND HOW WE CAN MAKE A PROFIT FROM IT. wtf dudes.
my birthday. it came (heh heh). it went. nothing too exciting happened. notoriously my bdays have been met with some trepidation, something always seems to happen to quash my good mood, but not this time. this time it was all gypsy eyes and tingley sensations. think of that in any manner you like.
my only ONLY complaint was that poota was not here, but she says she is cuming up for a day soon, maybe, if jesus wants to come for a visit too. and then after that shes cuming up for an extended stay. either way, internet world: we will be reunited, planets will collide, and the stars will align. or we will just get real drunk off whiskatea, fight chodes, give each other black eyes, and probably get asked to perform certain sexual acts while walking downtown...again.
today Bookcase turns 24. which sucks for her because it is an awful age, but is awesome for me because now we are finally the same age so we can lament about being in our "mid-twenties" together, and it's only four years now til we can get hitched. GNARLY. this is totally a shout out post because i washed my phone in my washing machine on accident what the fuck seriously? yes. so i am pronouncing on every internet source available to me (except twitter, i don't do twitter) how much i love her and how fucking stupid and sorry i am that i can't be there with her, let alone call her on her birthday. anyways, she is pretty much the most fucking awesome lady you will ever meet and ya'll should be totez jealous that she is MY best friend and not yours. just saying.
HAPPY BURFDAY BOOKCASE I ALMOST USED YOUR REAL NAME BUT CAUGHT MYSELF BEFORE I DID. I LOVE YOU.
so now that I am having sex, and Bookcase is having sex things are different. obvi. we have adopted this method of instead of seeking validation from the boys that we are fucking we just get validation from each other. it actually works out beautifully, because what is more fantastic than being told how wonderful and beautiful you are by your best friend/soul mate.
I have been eating lots of yogurt and drinking my cranberry juice, absolutely no uti yet. I am really making sure to take care of my body while sexing it up, not like in the past where I just fucked and fucked and my cootch hated me.
jesus has a lovely penis, but we haven't been able to afford the larger condoms, and the regular ones apparently cut off the circulation of his dick or break all the time and shit, so basically it sucks because he doesn't cum during intercourse because he is so paranoid he is going to knock me up. I don't know about you, but I get satisfaction from a boy climaxing during intercourse, condom or not. so yeah, that is my only frustration as of yet.
According to the Ancient Greeks platonic love was the absolute purest emotion.
Bookcase is my soul mate. She is the only person I would want to have/raise my children with.
Sooo in other news, sex is cool I guess. Right after throwing celibicacy in the rubbish bin I met jesus and he wouldn't have sex with me for three weeks. But the heavens looked down on me and felt pity and jesus finally succumbed to my pathetic attempts at seduction and now he will have sex with me. Cool, huh?
after long and arduous conversations we really have called off the whole celibacy thing. while we think it was a wholesomely worthwhile endeavor the time has cum to get a little.
not having sex was fun for a while, cuz who doesnt like a lil tease?, but I think we were just postponing the inevitable. eventually we are going to have to trust someone besides each other and the process for going about that is complicated and stressful but fuck it yo. give love. thats it. no expectations.
