Who will go dancing with me Slursday night?

You?

Circle:

Yes or No

@205.249.8335

Single White Female

Likes: benzos, whiskey, miller high life in a can, taking her dog on long car rides, the ocean, bikinis, pall mall light 100s, the occasional conversation on current affairs, perezhilton.com, looking cute, glittery eyeshadow, fake nails, hip-hop music, dancing, microwaved coffee, sofie tophu, fried chicken, fried anything, milos sweet tea, and daydreams

Looking For: someone (no gender preference) who: doesn't say lol or use emoticons ;), likes small annoying dogs, has read the His Dark Materials Trilogy or atleast doesn't care that I have, understands that fake nails are easily removeable, can walk it out, will dance with me - and not just at weddings - , will watch gossip girl every monday night at 8 pm on the CW, will watch most anything that comes on at 8pm on the the CW, doesn't hate but appreciates, and wears skinny jeans.

home

issues

I am having issues. masturbatory issues. when I do do it, i get some sort of weird vaginal infection. now don't be grossed out, girls get vaginal infections ALL THE TIME and they just don't tell anybody, but I'm puttin it out there to the world. now I think these infections are coming from the brand of lube I am using - walmart - so it's like maybe the 'name brand' shit really is better. but I stole a HUGE BONUS sized bottle of the shit, and I hate to waste it, so maybe next time I got to birmingham I will pass it along to the boys and get myself some fancy ky shit. so anyways, the fact that masturbating makes my vagina feel icky and sad afterwords is no good. so I just stopped. I stopped for like two weeks. SERIOUSLY. this break in my masturbating routine led to a very frustrated and angry pootalatte. shit got really intense. I told my mom she was crazy and that she needed to see a doctor, I punched a judge in the face, I started cutting, AND I stopped eating. jokes. but I was really, really angry and depressed and two nights ago I caved and jerked the chain and I think I am starting to feel a little bit better. but what do I do? live with vaginal burning all the time when I do masturbate, or become a hateful person when I don't masturbate. issues I say.

rob please be friends with me

rob dyrdek please please come be my friend and possibly fall in love with me. I'm trying to watch you on TV, talk to pootalatte, (she insists that im ignoring her) and write this blog all at the same. if anything, we would have a lot of fun, break stuff, jump off of stuff, and our dogs would play together.

college educated

Bookcase, just today, used her huge college educated brain and figured out that I have had anal sex. I find this ridiculous, because I am positive I have told her, besides the fact that I also tend to spread it around while drunk off the finest pussy juice in dixie. I just have a hard time believing that we haven't had in depth conversations on my fun times with butt sex. Maybe now she will use her huge college educated brain and figure out the ANAL IS AWESOME. hahaha. I wonder if this is a future loop hole. Like those krazy kristians who think anal sex will protect their virginity. Well, like maybe now we (I) can have anal sex and protect our (my) celibacy. I just like saying anal sex. anal. sex. anal anal anal. sex sex sex.

xoxoxoxoxo. poota.

nitemare

I cant believe I blogged about Perez Hilton. fukin stoopid. still tho, don't hate on my boo'z. I can't believe its been almost two months since I have had sex. fukin stoopid. it is making me angry, snarky, bitchy, catty, ornery, horny, and just over all totally fuckin pissed off. lame. I really just want to go dancing and not get so drunk that I pass out in the backseat of my car after 15 minutes of droppin it like its hot. I want to make out. and for fucks sake I don't want to have to masturbate. it's like my body was like hornyhornyhornyhorny and now its like hornyhornyhornyhorny-but wait-I'm tired of jerking off-nothornynothornynothornynothorny. shit suxxx dude. I work ALL THE TIME so I have absolutely no time with the pup and it is making me depressed. kjbahraoisdeilksjdlksaflksjdaiuaiudlikfsaliedasuifsazlikda. fuk.

urban

perez hilton is racist. i hate him. he said the soulja boy is delusional because soulja boy is thinks that he can have a multi-platinum album. SOULJA BOY CAN DO WHATEVER WANT HE IS GENIUS. and then he hated on T.I. because Tip is going to jail. HE HAS NO IDEA WHY TIP IS GOING TO JAIL.



PEREZ HILTON IS RACIST AND GROSS.

put me in your ear

ever since poota got this job i havent heard from her nearly as much as i am accustomed to. i dont like this, no sir/ma'am/great white shark. this is why i am advocating we get those teeny tiny ear pieces like they have in the CIA and on that one episode of the office so that we can talk to each other constantly throughout the day. i was pretty grumpy the other day, i tried drinking a lot of caffeine to cheer myself up... that didnt work... then i tried beating up pickle... that didnt work.... then i ate some cake, which usually always works... it didnt... then i watched some battlestar galactica, that only made me cry... then i realized: I AM HAVING POOTALATTE WITHFUCKINGDRAWL CAUSE WE HAVENT TEXTD/TALKED IN 6 HOURS. sad i know, but a gurl needs her goo. what can i say?

are we there yet?

I got a job. thats kewl. it smells really nice there. so thats neat. I got good grades in skewl. thats a duh. Imma stressin out about next semester. lyke FUCKING STRESSING OUT. lyke snort little yellow lemon flavor pills every hour on the 12 spot stressed out. I tend to cry myself to sleep these days, and I can't decide if its: the stress, the overload of benzos up my nose, not enough benzos up my nose, or the fact that I'M LISTENING TO HALO BY BEYONCE ON REPEAT BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP. Imma gonna blame beyonce. all of my friends have girlfriends/boyfriends. fuck. my little sister has a boyfriend. normally this wouldn't bother me because I would be out there still gettin some pootang/dick, but I'm not. so it's all lyke WTF dudes, way to leave me drowning in my parents basement where my mom cries every three hours because she thinks my tattoos are opening up the doors for the demons of addiction to enter my body. news flash mom: YOU OPENED THE DOOR OF ADDICTION FOR ME. I am using alot of all caps. it's cause I am stressed and angry. lyke if those little yellow lemon flavored pills didn't go up my nose every hour on the 12 spot then seriously I would probably be in jail for brawling out on some stupid slut that looked at me the wrong way. which would probably be a friendly smile and head nod. speaking of jail, I go to court next week, hopefully I will have work off so I can stay an extra day in bhams and shotgun copious amount of miller high life with my shirt off on the front stoop of home. XOXO - pootalatte

blurp

back you up

so i got three job offers today. cause im the bomb-diggity. i decided to do the all natural body spa shoppe shit. whoooo. it pays ten bux an hour so i guess thats cool. bookcase is comin' like today or tomorrow morning. im fucking stoked. we are finally getting our bff tatz and making out. cause we did make out last time which is stupid. i endend up making out with crusty and i don't know why. fuckin whiskatea. its a good thing i got this job, it means i don't have to sell pills to my little sisters friends. imma bad person. im probably going to have sex soon. im gonna blame it on the fake nails. i can't fucking masturbate with these fake nails! and my vibrator suxxx! so unless you want me to implode and splew pootalatte vagina joose all over the place, there is just gonna have to be a loop hole. LOOP HOLE. i cant wait til bookcase gets here. and for her to whap me with her boobie, or atleast attempt to, i personally dont think her titties are big enough to give me a good whapping. i guess we shall see.

suggestions anyone?

while we have no problem finding trouble to get into while we are together, its nice to get a fresh take on the idea. there are exactly 36 hours seperating poota and myself, think people, think.

here are sum criteria:
1. we'd rather not get arrested, it messes with our mascara
2. no sex.... duh
3. please remember the things we already will be doing (fighting, drinking, making out, wrestling, shark wrangling, going to the doll house, thrift store shopping, annoying poota's sister, making a video application for MADE, dancing, going to a hipster party/bar, shredding) and try to think of something original.

typical

me: uhm
why are we emailing?
Bookcase: um i couldnt figure out how to work this
me: dork
Bookcase: ... whatever
i kept clicking on it.
me: well thank god you figured it out
Bookcase: oh well
im wacking you with my breast asap
me: OMG I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOUUUUUUUUU
Bookcase: I KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW
omfg. im soooo excited.
me: meeee tooooo
Bookcase: like creaming my pants excited
me: im not gonna be able to sleep ALL WEEK
Bookcase: hahahahaha
me tooooo
im gonna be planning outfits
me: oh i already am
i cant wait to have girl primp time!
Bookcase: and all the trouble we will get in to
hehehehe
heheheh
i sooooo need this
me: me tooooo!
shit
like furreal
Bookcase: like we are gonna sit down and figure shit out
me: truth
we need that
Bookcase: totez
me: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i don't want to move to portland
Bookcase: ok. i can do without it as well
me: i mean maybe one day
not now though
it would take way longer for me to graduate
Bookcase: yeah. thats no good. we want speedy graduation
me: truth
i gotta get this shit DONE
Bookcase: yup. we have a shanty in key west waiting
me: truth
blalaaaaalahaahaa. i wish it was wedssss
Bookcase: its driving me nutzzzz
im going to speeeeed
can i do laundry there? im outta undies
still...
me: hahahaha
of course
me case es yer casa
Bookcase: hahahahahhaha
yesssss
i gots ta peeeee
brbbbbb
me: kkk
Bookcase: back
me: yay
i think that i have a vag infection cuz i ran out of lube and was using vasoline to lubricate
Bookcase: omg omg om gom gomg omg
omg omg
omg
omg
me: ?????
Bookcase: me too
like seriously
freaky
me: ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahah
Bookcase: heheheheheheheheheheh
me: what is wrong with us?
Bookcase: this shit is unreal
we couldnt make this up
if we tried
me: i know!
fucking retarded
Bookcase: yup
tard-o
me: totez tard-o
i knew i shoulda not used the vasoline
Bookcase: um yeah
me: BUT SOMETIMES VAGINA IS JUST DRY
Britney: ew
i hear you
me: like it needs a lil help
Bookcase: we old
thats why
me: i stole some walmart brand lube today tho. bonus size
Bookcase: oooohhh
nice
me: i could ration some off into a container for you
Bookcase: hahahahahahaha
im gonna get some from work
we have organic shit
me: oooh fancy organic lube
i don't like that shit
Bookcase: no?
me: nah i play it old skewl
tho the organic condoms! way nice
Bookcase: yeah?
me: thur like 10 bux fer three
Bookcase: i gotta get sum
whoa
me: yuh they posh
Bookcase: bcbg sells em i bet
me: but smooooooth
hahahahahahahahah
Bookcase: yummy
me: now i just wanna have sex
i hate you
Bookcase: 24/7 in this breain
brain
me: its tard-o
Bookcase: totez
me: i don't ever remember thinking about sexxx this much be4
butttt maybe i did
Bookcase: we did
we just had more to talk about cuz we were having it
me: tru
postparty mornings
Bookcase: now we are just talking about not having it
me: baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh
Bookcase: i loooove them
me: we just need to intellectualize ourselves
Bookcase: i cant wait tilllll fri
me: I KNOWWWW
Bookcase: intellectualize?
me: yeah its a real word
Britney: no no. what u mean?
me: lyke um talk about more intellectual shit than sexxx
like um economics
Bookcase: right!
like broaden our fucking horizons
wait...
me: yes!
Bookcase: shit. i did it again
me: what?
Bookcase: fucking horizons? like have more sex
heh heh
me: hahahahahahhahahaha
Bookcase: like with urban men
or asians
me: yes
um
asians?
Bookcase: mmmmhmmm
me: thatz weird
Bookcase: asian ppl are weird?
me: my bffffff iz asian
he don't have sex
so itz weird. i dont think any of em do
Bookcase: trendyboy did
me: trendyboy wuz like philipinno or sum shit
Bookcase: youre right!
me: ISLANDERS
Bookcase: ok. the stereotype prevails
me: mhhmmmmm
cuz its tru
Bookcase: ok. im leaving. imma call you at 9 so its freeeee
me: kkkkkkkkk
Bookcase: peace gooo
me: byee!


Bookcase is offline. Messages you send will be delivered when Bookcase comes online.

You've Got Mail

swear to fucking god I am turning bi-polor. I either need to be on the same drugs all the time or no drugs at all because all this pharmaceutical commotion is fucking with my mind. celibacy is blase these days. I'm pretty much bored to point where pulling tiny hairs out of my legs is amusing and gets my pussy wet. my life resembles something like a movie with tom hanks and meg ryan. I need someone to tell me what I am doing in three months. please? I don't care who it is that tells me, just give me something definitive. thanks.

this sux

well. bookcase's fone is fuckd up and I haven't spoken to her in almost 24 hours. and this morning was awful because I was convinced she had drunkly driven off the mountain and I went to such extremes as contacting 2.83 AND pickle. it was pickle who informed me of her existance, tho he did play a mean trick at first and kinda told me she was dead. FUCK YOU PICKLE. she's not, but I am going crazy because we talk like a million times a day and I have soooo much to tell her, like how I am going to interview at the Dollhouse (a strip club) tomorrow evening to be a cocktail waitress. I could cry right now I want my best friend.