Monday Nitez

Swallow meds, snort meds, watch gossip girl, get really fucking upset about having to wait until april 20th for a new episode, realize that's 420, get totally bummed that I won't be blazed at all that day, make a reminder in my fone to score a twenty-sack from cuz, make a reminder in my fone to smoke it ALL on 420, think about flickin my beam a little, decide I am way too lazy, read thirty pages of freud, reconsider flickin my beam, decide to break out the good vibrations, realize I am out of lube, have to rub it out instead, call my little sister who lives upstairs because her skewl crush totally asked her out omgzomgzomgz, think about feeling creepy about calling my little sister immediately after rubbin it out, figure wtf? she had probably just finished too, snort a lil' more meds, wish i could fall asleep, think about astrology, get a few drunk texts from Salt Shaker, enjoy immensely, fall asleep.

hah!

Funny thing is that since the "fone sex" post I have received multiple creepy messages from multiple creepy dudes with their phone numbers and some creepy little line like "text me" or something. Hah! I feel like I am giving off the wrong impression here. I AM NOT GOING TO HAVE FONE SEX OR REAL SEX WITH YOU! Unless you are totez hawt and know that it's possible to reach a woman's g-spot with yer tongue. And we are married. Hahahahahahahahahaha. No, furreal tho.

First impressions are always right, right?

This will be by new mantra. I think its best in our situation to try and get past the, "oh. shit. you hot. i'd like to lick your face." and focus on things like connection, common interests, and that shit. I'd like to think guys and gals will be drawn to me because of more than just my badonkadonk, or at least its my badonkadonk that intrigues them and my plucky personality that makes them want more. lofty ambition, yay or nay?

Pootalatte: Omgawd should I let GimmeGimme come visit me next weekend?
Bookcase: Holy fuck N. O. Dude. no. do u want to date him?
Pootalatte:Uuuuuuhhhhmmmmm. Ha. Yes? Ha.
Bookcase: ur pants have caught fire goo.
Pootalatte: Aaaaaah. I just want to have sex omg i need to chill out.
Bookcase: Seriously. its sex. thats it.
Pootalatte: Ugh. I hate my life. I really want to have sex. I dunnnnnnnnnnnno.
Bookcase: Dude.
Pootalatte: Bleeeeeeehhhh. Bleh bleh bleh bleh i mean im okay i can do this.
Bookcase: You can do this. its a penis. and to him ur just a hole. like u said.
Pootalatte: Just a penis just a penis just a penis just a penis. A really nice penis. Im just a hole just a hole a hole. A really horny hole.
Bookcase: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha this is going to be tougher than we thought.
Pootalatte: Furrealz!!!! I think i am just going to post our texts so people really grasp how fucking real this shit is. Ha.
Bookcase: They need to get a feel for our struggle.
Pootalatte: I know! Like this is no joke. Shitz real.

Fone Sex?

I am grappling with the question if fone sex is violating my vow of celibacy. I mean I guess it is, and as Bookcase says: "It just makes you want to do it more." which is true, but stiiiiillllllll, just a little okay? Actually I know it's not okay, but it will be a challenge not to partake. It gets lonely in the basements of georgia and there are willing fella's to keep me occupied. I won't do it though, I mean I will try not to...

10 Reasons Why We Chose To Be Celibate

The truth of the matter is we like sex. I mean I know I like sex, and I am pretty confident Bookcase likes sex too. But its all the fucking bull shit that goes with it that is no good. So, Bookcase and I were like wtf? let's just be celibate, I mean we don't know if we want to date these people so what makes them think they deserve to get in our pants? I mean, I fuck you, then what? You live a world away? You don't believe in "monogamy"? You don't have a car? Most likely you are a fucking idiot and we just thought you looked like a good lay. Sweet tea and whiskey will do that to a girl. Unfortunately that is not as empowering as it was three years ago when I was younger and I know that I definitely want more than that, but I also really want the sex. But why is the sex so necessary? So via text (Bookcase and I live hours away from each other [bummer]) we came up with ten reasons why we shouldn't give a fuck about fucking!

1. We don't end up wasting our time on those who are unworthy.
2. The comfort of knowing that the person that we end up with is actually interested in US and not our MUFFINS!
3. The gnarlyness of being able to connect with our authentic selves on a spiritual level.
4. The peace of mind that the person laying next to us in bed is actually someone we can tolerate for more than 5 minutes, let alone want to wake up next to.
5. Losing the losers who just want to fuck us.
6. Being able to focus on other relationships in our life that are probably going to be more rewarding than some fling.
7. Having sex sober and not innebrated on whiskatea! Which means better orgasms!
8. Being totez comfy with our fucking cool souls and not feeling the need for validation through sex.
9. Never worrying about being exploited!
10. Have gobs of fun being the teases that we are. Furreal.


So on an end note. We aren't christian, we don't like god, and we don't fucking care about society's norms and rules. But that doesn't mean that we don't have feelings or that we aren't sometimes really confused (especially me, imma fucking cancer so I am always confused), so we are taking matters into our own hands and it is about time.