and

oh yeah, I LOOK LIKE LADY GAGA BITCHES.

Boyz 2 Men

while riding home the other day i was listening to the slow jam station (it was sunday, what else do you listen to on a sunday?). the request line was open. they seemed to have an overwhelming number of people calling in for the song, "i'll make luv to you" by the smokin hawt fellas of boyz 2 men. now. while i think that this song is amazing, it's literally exonerating via the sultry voices of nathan, michael, shawn, and wayna, that they take their time with their ladies, doing what they want, how they want, when they want, etc... but what got to me was the messages left of the request lines answering machine: doodes saying "gurl, i just wanna say, i luv you, i's so happy to be with you." or " hey this is jim from san antonio and i wanna dedicate boyz 2 men... to my wife. honey i am so happy to be with you for our short 25 years as a married couple."

not one of the overwhelming numbers of callers, who were mostly men, said "hey. we make great partners, we raised/are raising responsible kids, we love, respect, and inspire each other and im just so glad i wake up next to you everyday. and that's why im dedicating this song to you."


nah. the doodes out there are saying " yo. wifey. ill fuck you right. lets stay together longer so that you can, in turn, aspire to fuck me just as well."

i know, i know. youre saying "bookcase. why are you writing so much, poota is going to get nervous at its length?" but i feel like this issue needs to be discussed.

am i wrong?

dear america,

I would like to personally thank Lady Gaga for providing the trannies of the world some new and quality material to perform. No longer do I have to sit thru ANOTHER trashy drag rendetion of Christina Aguilara's "genie in a bottle". It's all poker face and alexander mcqueen. Anyways. Thanks GAGA.

Poota

guess what?!

THE STARS ALIGN TOMORROW.

alalalalalalalalalalala

I feel like I have a big ole fat fart waiting to pop outta my butthole, but it stux up in thurr. Wanna know what it is? THIS UPCOMING WEEEK! So exams are done on wednesday when e Bookcase and Pimpadocious arrive in Safannie, and I don't have to work friday so we can really vag vomit all over the town AND THEN they leave (waaaah) and I go to work on saturday and THEN GO HOME TO GAYSON TO CUDDLE WITH MY LITTLE SISTER AND WATCH THE DOGS PLAY. omfgawd, can I hear a best week ever? boogaboogabooga I'm stoked. Can you believe that it has been 6 months since Bookcase and I have made sweet, sweet love? WELL IT HAS BEEN. God I am fuckin stoked. STOKED. STOKED. STOKED. I am also excited to meet Pimpa, I think that as long as s/he accepts and respects the fact that I am Bookcase's one true love then s/he and I will get along famously. I love you and you and you and you. And I want to have lesbian sex. Thank you and GOODBYE.

we

suck

snort

apparently #982q120329 thought that he could just stop talking to me (because he was sooo offended that i wrote about him on the blog, fuckin puss), only return half of my shit, AND delete me from his friends list and then 3 months later randomly text me all "hey whats up". here is kind of how the convo went:

him: hey whats up?
me: who is this?
him: ha its #2010383 ha
me: oh weird
him: ha yeah the douche himself
:::enter stupid small talk about his dog and school and shit:::
me: so why did you text me?
him: ha well im just bored, lonely and horny and thought i would apologize for being a dick
me: yeah the horny usually brings out the apologies.
him: haha i don't know whats wrong with i have had the biggest hard on for the past three days and you know how i hate jacking off haha
me: so what are you going to do about it?
him: what do you think i should do about it?
me: well i can't do anything about it tonight, i have an 8am french test tomorrow.
him: haha come here, my throbbing cock needs you
me: yeah, i would fix it right up with my superb dick sucking skills and tight pussy.
him: you suck dick like a champ.
:::I SUCK DICK LIKE A CHAMP OMG:::
him: something something something my throbbing dick
me: well don't touch it so it will be nice and hard for me tomorrow
him: something something something my throbbing dick
:::I get bored and decide to re-arrange my apartment END OF CONVO:::

so seriously, DOES HE THINK I AM SOME SORT OF DUMB BIMBO? next day conversation goes like this (and please note how uneducated the child is):

him: i thought u were coming to take care of daddy today
me: wishful thinking #298101
him: why u say that
me: because im not going to fuck you
him: haha alright i didn't nessarcly ask u to i was just saying hi in a #1029201 kinda playing off last night thing
me: right right, hi then.
him: why the all of a sudden hostal change?
me: there is no hostile change.
him: u refrenced ur tight pussy and dick suckin skills and then told me hands off and u got out of class at 4:14 so i dont know any other way someone could have took it though i didnt expect it hence why i didn't really say anything today i figured if u were really serious u would have said something to me today
:::smart cookie:::
me: oh im sorry, i didn't realize i owed you that. did you really think i was going to sleep with you again?
him: alright well i appolgized so i don't know what else to tell yeah.
him: i was making conversation like i always do u broghy up the sex and yes i'm horny and was and would still hook up with you but not as long as u have some grudge over me or something just as friends like we used to do
:::note how he is trying to twist it around like i am just desperately wanting to fuck him and how he would so kindly still have sex with me:::
me: you brought sex into it when you started talking to me in the first place #021922, reality check. and i have no grudge as long as you treat me like a friend and not some booty call whore.
him: so do u want to come over?
:::end of convo:::

OMFG seriously most moronic and self-obsessed person on the planet, can't believe he actually thought i would have anything to do with him. i feel gross because i must have put off some kind of pathetic vibe when we were boinking that gave him the impression i was obsessed with him...it just so infuriates me. but it's okay because i don't fuck dudes anymore at all. even though im just ebbing and flowing with the pussy in savannah, i ain't gonna be on any someones dick like no homo. there is one boy who i would fuck and only Bookcase knows who that is. CAUSE SHE IS MY BESTIE OMGOMGOMG. so BC and i haven't seen eachother in 5 months which is so fucking ree-ree i might puke through my vagina right now. kay bye.

fuck

we weren't reunited. i have scarlet fever which means i have this really gross rash all over my body and it itches like a mofo butt atleast it isn't the hiv. i gotta new job sellin shit by the river, it's neat cause i just get to sit there and watch the boats go by. still ebbin and flowin in savannah. haven't been horny at all during this ovulation period, weird. maybe i lost the horny. it was bound to happen sometime.

dolla dolla billz ya'll

alright people. we know you read this blog, we dont have that counter over there for nothing. yes yes ok... poota and i make up the majority of the hits recoreded im sure, but still.

we need money to get poota, sofie, soft taco, and the volvo up to my location and since poota dont have no job at the moment, she should hear back from one today, we are looking to you for help. HEY GAS STATION ATTENDANTS! I KNOW YOU READ THIS. GIVE POOTA FREE GAS AND SHE WILL MASTURBATE IN THE PUBLIC BATHROOM (no you cant watch, isnt your imagination enuf?). I havent checked these things over with her, but im sure its fine.

if you pledge to send us money or gift cards and actually do it we will do the following:
1. we will record our entire visit together and let you see it. not any bathroom stuff tho, thats gross.
2. we will mail you lacy undies that poota has worn. sniff, lick, do whatever you want.
3. a grab bag gift with the "stalker" theme complete with pootas' cigarette buttz, discarded whiskey bottles, moon pie wrapers, and used mouthwash will be sent to you for your enjoyment. no shrine to us would be complete without it.
4. other surprises we wont tell you as incentive to fork over sum money will follow as well

seriously. poota wont take money from me so its up to you to get her here and reap the impending entertainment from the visit that ensues.

it's like the stars are getting to know us...

Bookcase,

Do you remember that time we tripped on mushrooms and we laid in front of the art building under the tall chairs and looked at the stars and it was amazing and trey said the stars were getting to know us, and then we went home and listened to sigur ros and spent ALL NIGHT talking about how fucked up everything was but how wonderful we were. I love that night. I miss you so much.

XOXOXO,
Poota

9 DAYZZZZZZZZZ

that's right folks. 9 motha fuckin dayz.

we havent seen each other since poota's bday and that is just not acceptable.

i can feel the asshole of my town clenching in anticipation.

hermafermamerma

I'm so over gender.

d00dz

i went to my first Savannah gay bar last night. shit was so classy, i was like, say what? def not the quest, THANK GAWD. they even had a stripper pole, which was AWESOME and the slutty dancing fag hags were even more AWESOME, and me trying to dance up on them was EVEN MORE AWESOME. i have things to talk about ya'll about yank, but i haven't even talked to Bookcase about it to process it so it's gonna have to wait. butt it could be good. 2 weex til hallo weenie.

i am not a homewrecker

i deal with people on a daily basis. some of them give me books to borrow, some smell of moth bawlz and the price is right, and others smell just fine, but this week i've encountered a different breed of bakery patron, the married man. two dayz ago jehovah (more on the name later) came up to me on my break, introduced himself, and said i was the most gorgeous thing he had ever seen. flattering, yes, disconcerning, yes. he started the conversation with, "im married, but i just wanted to tell you..."

wtf.

this has taken an unexpected toll on me. to make matters even more awkward he came in the next day and gave me his number.

to make matters tripley awkward today i found out he and his wife are jehovah's witnesses.

i'll admit i dont know much about the faith but surely there's something in there about infidelity.

i'll also admit that i'm a bit curious to know what jehovah's intentions are with me.
possible intentions i've thought of:
1. tawdry affair
2. platonic bffs (not the greek kind, that's reserved for poota)
3. brainwash me into joining his cult... er... religion
4. secretly date me and decide to divorce his wife and marry me (would never happen, but who knows what he's thinking)
5. kidnap me and hold as sex slave
6. take out on date and just want to talk and stare at me
7. be bff's with the notion that if he werent married he'd hit this
8. eat my face
9. win a bet?
10. torture me to learn the secret recipes for scones etc for the bakery

poota says i shouldnt call him.
twin says i should.
pimpadocious hasnt weighed in.

what to do? what to do?

i'll tell you something tho, this whole experience has made me extremely disenchanted about the notion of monogamy. not that i was convinced from the get-go, but i wanted to believe. that little gurl inside wanted to hold on to the glittery dream scene of me and a gurl/boy/great white shark together forever. yes, yes, that's what poota is for. i know. but we've both discussed this topic before, and she feelz the same. it'd be great to have someone say, "i really think youre great. let's make a go at this, because i could see myself with you for a long time." im not asking for a ring, been there, dumped that. i just think if youre married, if youre fucking, if youre engaged in any kind of relationship with anyone, you need to be upfront and know where you stand with them, before they hold your $60 dollar bottle of arnica oil hostage (see our below joint post for more information). what prompted jehovah to give me his number? is he not satisfied with his wife? is he tired of her vagina and jonesing for mine? or is he just looking for a pretty thing to be friends with?

also, poota: just show up at fucktards door with the police and demand your shit back. it works, trust me.

i see jehovah everyday. a little advice please, apprec.

omg

seriously am about to punch this child in the face. just give me my lube, arnica oil, and bag back. seriously. grow a pair.

badda bing badda boom

today i am going to get coffee with...a GIRL. thank you jesus. okay so what if we met over the internet. she was moving to savannah and approached me (because I am obviously a fine specimen) to show her around (my vagina) hahahahahaha, jk. i mean not maybe i don't know. all i know is that we have already had good conversations on gender and queer theory and I am looking forward to doing so face to face. with someone who knows what they are talking about.

I can't fucking wait for the epicness that will be halloween. bookcase and i are re-uniting for what may be the gnarlyest four days hendo has ever seen. I plan on getting fucked by someone in costume who i will never see again in an ally way in true halloween tradition. skore. that was a really awful run on sentence btw. don't care.

so part une of halloween costume will be Bookcase and I as:


brilliant of course.

and then the rest of the time I plan on looking and dancing like this:


which might actually make me fit in with the tard residents of assville.

8 days a week

yup, i have my period... well i did. not so much anymore. anyway, feeling alone and icky i decided that poota should have hers too. low and behold, miles apart, we cycle together. mmmmwwwaaaahahahaha. i think it really came down to if i'm not having sexxx she shouldn't be either.

so that was all bloody fun and games until we both started getting all emotional and shit, hence the ensuing posts this week. i guess this is my first one, but whatever. i dont have internet at the honey house so deal with it. i couldnt tell you where all this is coming from, but let me try and describe it to you.

poota and i are on the the phone as i type:

poota: boys suck. through all of our celibacy did we really learn all that we were supposed to learn? or does it all come down to me being a cancer, hopelessly worrysum and anxious about relationship shit? Is he just manifesting this behavior in me or am i doing this to myself?
me: whoa whoa whoa. lets think, what did we learn? what did we learn thats going to help us now? and not the masturation techniques perfected over those 8 months.
poota: i learned that i shouldnt really trust people and you should trust people more.
me: wait. what? what do you mean? i trust!
poota: ive decided i need a posse. i miss my gay boys. i always feel better when im surrounded by them, they are like a warm blanket, just out of the dryer.
me: cum back to me, focus.
poota: you know you dont trust people and you should start. i trust everyone. need i remind you about bill cosby in the alley. who's that gurl. la la la la.
me: hahahahahaha. ah yes. you are right.
poota: i trusted that # would be man enough to tell me what he's feeling and not just have sex with me for two months and look where its got me.
me: but maybe this is your opportunity to be upfront with him about how you feel, or maybe its your chance to check out other people.
poota: hell yeah, for shizzle imma check dat shit out real soon.
me: shoot gurl, hit it all up, get in there and work it.
poota: yeah yeah yeah, but actually im gonna have the poota version of "the talk" with what's-his-face real soon, just so he knows my intentions.
poota again: you got quiet, what are you thinking?
me: i feel like we've cum a long way from where we were, i think. maybe.
poota: no i think so. i just think about the relationships i do have and then think about you and me (virgo + cancer = l.o.v.e.) and we have such a great relationship that i compare and wonder why my other relationships arent as amazing as us. i know its gonna be a little different cuz i'm having sexx with the other person and we dont do that cuz of da whole booby thing, but i think there are some common threads there. maybe i have to high expectations for them.
me: could be. i think what it comes down to is that i know where i stand with you and you know where you stand with you. lyke, say the word and i'm on my way down there and vise versa with you. it's all about time. you and i have been through sum shit and that's what makes the relationship what it is. that's what it is right there.
poota: but you and i know where we stand cuz we tell each other, constantly. and if i didnt bring shit up where i stand with # would never get discussed.
me: if you never brought it up do you think he would eventually do it?
poota: i think they want us to bring it up.
poota: i gotta go wash this hair dye off my hair before it burns clear through to my brain.
me: yikes, go handle that.

tobecontinued...

majik moon

never fails EVERYTIME bookcases calls me and tells me she started her period I start mine before 12 hours have transpired. don't get me wrong, I love the fact that bookcase, jeff, and myself are all synced up and we don't live anywhere near each other, so obviously it's majic sisterhood shit, but like seriously, I wasn't suppose to start until like the 12th or 13th. wut da fuk d00dz. whatevs, just means I am gettin it over with.

my life is such a fucking joke right now, I keep gettin' the itch, and the itch don't do nothin' but bring trouble for me.

this lady

i work at a bakery. customer service isnt my forte so to speak hence why i like spending my time in the back with the baked goods. anyway, the times that i do spend up front interacting with the public is trying at times but let me people like this make the day go by so so much faster. she comes in the bakery everyday, gets two coffees, one scone, and asks for real milk, not the half and half i put out. i love her. how amazing, right?

squirt

i was having sex last night (SKORE) and i squirted(female ejaculated, common with g-spot orgasms) and i think it scared the crap outta #30182. haha.

SQUIRT.

red stripe beer and me

I am going here for X-mas.
Please take not of 1. lush vegetation 2.local male species 3. waterfallzzzz not in that order of course.

I already asked if i can invite poota.
I was denied.

bummer, yes. but poota and i decided to go somewhere for spring break. woooo. any suggestions?

i

would like to get laid sometime during the next couple of days.

yeah, i use conditioner on my pubic hair. so what?

rawr

i have the biggest fucking crush on one of the maintenance d00dz at AASU and today instead of a lawnmower he was driving a bulldozer and pulling up pear trees. sex. sex. sex. like how hawt would that be? SEX ON A BULLDOZER WITH MAINTENANCE MAN WHO WEARS A STRAW HAT WHILE LISTENING TO LYNRD SKYNRD? fuck yuh d00dz.

i will get back to you on that one ya'll.

there goes that first impression.

i have these new upstairs neighbors and i hadn't met them yet. well i am chillin in bed, watchin some lesbo porn via internetz and twiddlin' the fiddle when they decide to knock on my back door and introduce themselves. i was so flustered and for some reason felt the need to answer the door, with my unzipped pants and see through tank top and lesbo porn playing loudly on my computer. we tried to make awkward conversation and it was a bit humiliating as i was trying to discreetly cover my nipples and speak louder than the moans coming from my bedroom. gaaaaaaawd. fml.

atleast they seem nice is a bro way and one of them is kind of cute in a bro way, and they were drinkin' high life and smokin cigs on a sunday afternoon, so i am gonna go with a thumbs up. maybe we can get over our first meeting and be errr friends.

i wish #413 had conversational skills beyond talking itself, but its like whatever, i am a cancer, i was born to listen i guess. sometimes i just want to quiz #92 to see if it even listens to what i say, which i am pretty sure is a negatory. thats what girlfriends are for i suppose.

he's gotta big ego

so funny story. somehow jesus found my blog, not i like keep the shit hidden or anything, but yeah it was found and he was reading it and like totez spazzing out because, like, he was under the divine idea that when i called him jesus i meant it as if he was uhhhmm, god like, or some er supernatural creature.

first. hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. second. no.

regular blog readers (all six of us) know that we give everyone nicknames to protect their precious identities and we like to base those nicknames off of some stupid or random or major aspect of their lives. well anywaaaays, jesus is a christian, and if you know me you think that is reallllllly funny, and if you don't know me then it isss reaaaalllly funny. for me the natural nickname for now unnicknamed person would be jesus, because it seems to be the most offensive, and i generally like to piss people off. i mean we aren't suppose to use the great lord's name in vain right? and ain't jesus the same thing as god, and the holy spirit. the fucking holy trinity right? yeah so that is where jesus came from. because i don't believe in him and shit so you know whatever. not gonna get all fucking religious up in hurr dudes, just wanted to relate to ya'll how dat situation went. HE THOUGHT I THOUGHT HE WAS LIKE JESUS OR SOMETHING. IN A SEXUAL WAY? i dunno, whatevs.

in other news, there was this crazy motherfucking downpour of rain the other day as i was walking from the health clinic (im finally gettin a real HIV test yay!) to class which is like a mile away and of course i didn't have a motherfucking umbrella so i got drenched. like drenched. then via text:

pootalatte: i am really horny right now. it is either because of the way my wet tank top is clinging to my bare breasts and stimulating my nipples or because of this awful rendition of oedipus rex we are watching in class. is this text too erotic? my bad.
bookcase: no more than usual.

and then i went and masturbated in the the unisex/disable people/professor/only private bathroom on campus. i figured i am unisex, and i am mentally disabled, and maybe one day i will be a professor and freaking out all the freshman girls in the public bathroom was a bad idea, so i was allowed to use it yo.

i miss bookcase so much. and last night i came to the realization that out of all the tv relationships out there jd and turk from scrubs def best represents us.

vv


OH AND NOW UNNICKNAMED PERSON NEEDS A NEW NICKNAME. if ya'll choose to participate then maybe i will let you folks pick the nickname. if not, bookcase and i will choose some tard'd demeaning nickname. shout out some suggestion brahs.

it all boils down to sexy

today Bookcase and I were discussing how in 3-4 years we are going to buy a house together (we are starting to save now), we decided to go with a sea shanty as opposed to a townhouse in D.C. because well quite frankly, sea shanties are cheaper and well, sunnier. so we were talking about all the excitedness of buying a home together and then we were trying to figure out how we could some how turn a profit out of it and then it was decided we would just buy an old motel, and then some how it was declared that it would be a sextel with like kitschy sex rooms and key parties and shit. and then it was like WHY DOES EVERYTHING WE TALK ABOUT TURN INTO SEX AND HOW WE CAN MAKE A PROFIT FROM IT. wtf dudes.

bad to good

my birthday. it came (heh heh). it went. nothing too exciting happened. notoriously my bdays have been met with some trepidation, something always seems to happen to quash my good mood, but not this time. this time it was all gypsy eyes and tingley sensations. think of that in any manner you like.

my only ONLY complaint was that poota was not here, but she says she is cuming up for a day soon, maybe, if jesus wants to come for a visit too. and then after that shes cuming up for an extended stay. either way, internet world: we will be reunited, planets will collide, and the stars will align. or we will just get real drunk off whiskatea, fight chodes, give each other black eyes, and probably get asked to perform certain sexual acts while walking downtown...again.

watch out. im excited already.

four more years

today Bookcase turns 24. which sucks for her because it is an awful age, but is awesome for me because now we are finally the same age so we can lament about being in our "mid-twenties" together, and it's only four years now til we can get hitched. GNARLY. this is totally a shout out post because i washed my phone in my washing machine on accident what the fuck seriously? yes. so i am pronouncing on every internet source available to me (except twitter, i don't do twitter) how much i love her and how fucking stupid and sorry i am that i can't be there with her, let alone call her on her birthday. anyways, she is pretty much the most fucking awesome lady you will ever meet and ya'll should be totez jealous that she is MY best friend and not yours. just saying.

HAPPY BURFDAY BOOKCASE I ALMOST USED YOUR REAL NAME BUT CAUGHT MYSELF BEFORE I DID. I LOVE YOU.

sex

so now that I am having sex, and Bookcase is having sex things are different. obvi. we have adopted this method of instead of seeking validation from the boys that we are fucking we just get validation from each other. it actually works out beautifully, because what is more fantastic than being told how wonderful and beautiful you are by your best friend/soul mate.

I have been eating lots of yogurt and drinking my cranberry juice, absolutely no uti yet. I am really making sure to take care of my body while sexing it up, not like in the past where I just fucked and fucked and my cootch hated me.

jesus has a lovely penis, but we haven't been able to afford the larger condoms, and the regular ones apparently cut off the circulation of his dick or break all the time and shit, so basically it sucks because he doesn't cum during intercourse because he is so paranoid he is going to knock me up. I don't know about you, but I get satisfaction from a boy climaxing during intercourse, condom or not. so yeah, that is my only frustration as of yet.

he was a boy...she was a girl

sapphoaphroditeathenaartemishebepandia

According to the Ancient Greeks platonic love was the absolute purest emotion.

Bookcase is my soul mate. She is the only person I would want to have/raise my children with.

Sooo in other news, sex is cool I guess. Right after throwing celibicacy in the rubbish bin I met jesus and he wouldn't have sex with me for three weeks. But the heavens looked down on me and felt pity and jesus finally succumbed to my pathetic attempts at seduction and now he will have sex with me. Cool, huh?

Yes. Its tru

after long and arduous conversations we really have called off the whole celibacy thing. while we think it was a wholesomely worthwhile endeavor the time has cum to get a little.

not having sex was fun for a while, cuz who doesnt like a lil tease?, but I think we were just postponing the inevitable. eventually we are going to have to trust someone besides each other and the process for going about that is complicated and stressful but fuck it yo. give love. thats it. no expectations.

News Flash

Bookcase and I are officially no longer celibate. We are now sexually empowered. Awesome, huh?

She is getting more ass than I am, but I am going to blame that on Jesus. Certainly not my doing.

she wolf

I can't get over how three nights out of the week I am kept up by weird spraying machines that I guess clean the sidewalks of savannah. I mean, I suppose I haven't stepped on any old needles while being here so that's cool.

I think that Bookcase and I have called off celibacy. NO NEED TO PANIC FOLKS, the two of us discussed it in mostly detail today and have reached some very confusing conclusions. I can't really go into it deeply because her minutes ran out and we had to cut the discussion short so I don't want to make any commitments with out really clarifying whats going on with our future sex lives. However, I suppose I could kind of give ya'll some insight on things from my perspective. I am a young, physically healthy, mentally insane lady and I have sexual needs/desires that I would like to take care of and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I think that as long as I keep the line of communication open with the person that I might be fucking then things will go smoothly. Okay it's like I was telling Bookcase earlier today: I am finding myself feeling the need to be intimate with someone but there are no people out there that I am confident that I want to pursue relationship with or maybe some people I feel uneasy about fucking because I know that I will get attached due to their probable intellect and wit. So when these waves of horny hit me I just need to remember to limit myself to what I like to call CORNS ON THE COBS. We all know corn has absolutely no nutritional value, but some buttery corn on the cob is definitely da bomb, so I eat it, get all dirty, enjoy it immensely and throw away the cob. Basically I enjoy sexual experiences with attractive tasty people who are not mentally attractive to me so that there is no risk of me getting attached and it is easy to walk away. Is that awful? Absolutely not, men having been doing it since the beginning of time, except they don't even put that much thought into it. Anyways, now that I am not "celibate" it is not like I am going out with my prostitute neighbors and prowling the street for a fuck, but I think that I am ready to be back out swimming with the fish.

when it knocks you down

I listen to Nina Simone non-stop and just sit around and do my homework and think and shit. It's awesome.

Part of my thinking has been about this whole celibacy thing. I am having such conflicting feelings right now. In the past I know that I have indeed fucked people just to validate myself as an attractive and worthy woman. Obviously that is not healthy, but I really feel like with everyday I am re-assured in my role as a single woman and am able to embrace my sexuality as one. I think the most important thing for me is to not confuse sexual freedom with actual freedom and to not continue objectifying myself, even though I may just be being myself. Its just that general society obviously hasn't progressed enough to allow me to do so. Am I selling out, or giving in when I say that I should limit myself in how I dress or how I talk because I want to be seen as an assertive woman as opposed to a kinda slutty crazy girl? I don't know I don't know. I've never been one to give in. Shits real weird right now.

manifesting a new social construction or why poota isnt a whore

I heard somewhere that dating is dead.

actually it was here: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=105008712
in the Sex Without Intimacy: No Dating, No Relationships article. read it.
if yer lazy you can also download it as a podcast.

Look at this: -------->
the age of marriage is on the rise. got it. makes sense.

the occurance of the "hook-up" is rising as well, and the term is so vague it leaves enough to the imagination to cover all the possible hook-up bases. forgive the pun.

this is exactly what we are talking about. people our age don't date, they "hook-up". whatever that means. maybe we should enjoy it. maybe we should say "fuck this blog" and have people compete in a survivor-style duel for the chance to have sexxx with us.

does this mean we have to wait 5 more years for dudes/dykes/great white sharks to be serious about having a meaningful relationship with us and not just try and get away with showering us with burritos and queso in exchange for cum in the face? are we just weirdos for wanting someone who knows us first to be inside us?

i need some kind of confirmation that if i did have sexxx with someone they wont turn out to be the kind of person who uses the term "colored" and actually wants to discuss the tragedy of industrialization in developing countries and its potential environmental, social, and political impact.

also, is this article suggesting that since ladies and doodes are engaging in sexual encounters without the committment of marriage or a realtionship the social stigma of doing so will soon fade into the past, in which case, "No Poota, you are not a whore." ???

clairification anyone? OR let the games begin...

luck be a lady

It is a fantastic time to be a Single Lady in Savannah these days!

I have the four date/future partner possibilities:

.nameless golden toothed middle age neighbor man who wants me to go to the movies with him.

.army reserve boy with no hair in my ethics and value in history class who wants me to go to the movies AND dinner with him.

.marine who molested me at the park who wants to take me barhopping this friday.

.the secretary of the sci-fi club at AASU who wants me to come over and "hang out".


FML

obvi

so I totally already have a mad crush on the TA for my Womens Studies class. fucking cliche dudes.

notes on a monsoon

my poor little volvo can't make it thru three feet of water and sofie is certainly not willing to trek the 7 block hike to the BP so mum can get her cigs, but Bookcase was there for me via cell phone (thank god it's saturday) and I survived the hellish floods of whatever fucking part of town this is that I live in. gurl love is the best, even if it has to be long distance.

my neighbor who live across the street (his house is actually the house on THE CORNER, the corner where the prostitutes stand), well my neighbor (he shall remain nameless) was returning home to his house on THE CORNER from the liquor store that is across the street when he decided a monsoon would be THE PERFECT TIME TO INTRODUCE HIMSELF. the thing is that this nameless neighbor is in his fourties and has two gold front teeth and he actually thought it was a grand idea to ask me TO THE MOVIES. apparently I look like the type of lady who would go to the movies with middle aged golden toothed men. I actually think golden teeth are sexy, we all know my wet spot for rappers of all variety, but they aren't quite as sexy on old men who live on THE CORNER. I will admit I am being rather judgemental here and assuming that since he lives on THE CORNER then he must manage THE CORNER since that is how it was with a previous neighbor of mine (walter), but man who shall remain nameless might just be an innocent by stander like myself who dares not take THE CORNER away from its rightful owners. anyways, while I was on the fone with Bookcase lamenting over the nameless middle aged man asking me on a date I also happened to throw in the fact that sofie was straddling my face and that Savannah was quite lonely. yes, and that was when I decided that maybe, just maybe I should go to the movies with my golden toothed nameless neighbor.

nothing has entered my vagina, nor Bookcase's vagina BTW. celibacy roxxx.

gurl love timez deux

sometimes i think about what its gonna be lyke when im old, when im that crazy lady at the end of the street that keeps all the stoopid ballz kids kick or throw into her yard and sometimes i think about how i graduated, got my degree, and somehow managed to get a job making 9 dollars an hour taking rich peoples shit all day, AND sometimes i think about college and all the terrible and alternatively pimpadocious times i had.

BUTT it all comes down to one very very important thing:

despite the pitfalls, and granted i am relatively happy, but its only because of the fact that i know that while im thinking about these things theres a lady in the middle of a monsoon, squatting on her bed with sophie and argu, thinking about me.


ok ok. i know you all are getting tired of us. we will get back to the sex talk pronto.

take that.

This is in response to Bookcases entry

since living in Savannah I have:

• sat in bed with my pup and new kittie and dreamt of Bookcase
• laid in bed with my pup and new kittie and dreamt of Bookcase
• stood in bed with my pup and new kittie and dreamt of Bookcase
• finished reading all my text books BEFORE skewl has even started
• squatted in bed with my pup and new kittie and dreamt of Bookcase

the bars are weird here, everything is too fancy, I want dive ya'll. like furreal dive.

I hate that me n my girl have to live so far away. it is fukin lame dudes. I DONT WANT TO WAIT UNTIL 2012 UNTIL WE LIVE TOGETHER. but I mean it makes total sense. cause, like, I graduate 2011ish, we move to D.C., become the political activists we we are meant to be and then BRING THE STATE OF SOCIETY DOWN WITH OUR COMBINED GNARLYNESS. but furreal, can we just practice living together before then?

thank god Gossip Girl starts in like, une month.

FYI: I HATE BIRTH CONTROL COMMERCIALS. shit is so bad for you. note to ladies: just become lesbians!

my apartment is real cute. I love my corner hookers, though I can't say the feeling is returned, I wish there was some way I could tell them that I'm not trying to jock on their territory. some boys from bjams came to visit me last weekend, it was cool, I really had missed them. now it's just me and my pup and my new kittie (arugula tugboat) and my dreams of Bookcase. oh, and marathons of House and Law and Order SVU.

xoxoxo
POOTA

girl love sucks

everyone who reads this knows that poota and i are in gurl love. obvi. so her moving to Savannah, what with its dreamy coffee shop baristas, marc jacobs, and raisin brans running around, i am utterly distraught. so much so that i am thinking about getting a new fone and new plan that includes more mins cuz right now i teeter too close to going over every single month. its terrible. the godz and oprah are against us totez. we have been trying to live together for years now and the timing is always stinky. either we are having mental breakdowns or are not talking to each other or dont have enough money. whatev. it will happen whens its supposed to. besides in 5 years we are gonna get married anyway. sorry 2.83.

she is starting this whole new life and i am totez missing out on being there. it suxxx. and i do not like it. i want us to meet to in the morning and have coffee on the steps and say good morning to the hookers as they start their day. what more could you ask for, really? savannah wouldnt know what to do with hurself if we lived together in the same town. the city would eat itself and live anew. like the jungle. maybe thats what 2012 is about. thats when poota and i will get to finally converge in the same town, in the same house. the world wont know what to do with itself. maybe the mayans got it wrong.

think on that interweb world.

worthless

so instead of wrapping up loose ends (aka PACKING MY ROOM) I am sitting and watching My So Called Life online and chattin' up random lesbians (uhm just one actually) that live in Wisconsin. My advisor keeps tryin to get me to minor in ART(fart) since I have so many fucking credits and I have to have a minor of some sort, but I think I will do African-American Studies instead, and then I will move to Compton and write a book about being a teeny-tiny white woman living in the hood with all the Bloods and Crips and shit. Oh wait. Already been done. But I think I will minor in African-American studies. I hope that doesn't come off as presumptuous. Like, if I met a dude (with male genitalia) that majored in Women's Studies I think I would just get really pissed off. But I am super crazy about men and them gettin in my shit and shit. Bookcase and I were talking during some part of our journey to/in/around/from Savannah about why she walks into a bar and like three dudes (non-genitalia specific) want to get down on one knee and propose, or atleast date her, like LEGITIMATELY date her and then when I walk in a bar I get dudes (no explanation necessary) that want to hump and dump. It kind of pisses me off. She (and my sis') say it is because I am so uhhhhmmmmm aggressive, or uhmmmmm, overwhelming, but I don't consider myself aggressive or overwhelming, I consider myself assertive and passionate. So yeah, take that all you humpers and dumpers. Whatevs, not like I haven't done my fair share of humping and dumping, and I could quite easily slide back into sex for fun mode, but that would just make no sense, considering I have made it so long with out sex. It will be interesting to see if I can remain celibate while surrounded by attractive people and NOT living in my parents basement. Let the true test begin I suppose. I move in five days. Hopefully some of my bjam boys will be coming to visit me my first weekend there, which would be so perfect as I would prefer a cuddle puddle in my bed my first nights there as opposed to a co-dependent molesting of souls which is what usually happens in my bed every night between me and Sofie. I hope she likes Savannah, I hope she likes living by herself, I hope she doesn't become lonely and depressed with no one around while I am gone. Skore, the Best of Cream just finished downloading now I can listen to it while I "pack". Peace.

bunnieshiphopdiscolove

I can't wait to paint my apartment. The only things I will miss about ATL are: Jeff and H&M. Bummers.

weepy deepy n shit

I have always said that when I look at the past and all that has gone on in my life that I feel no regrets. These past few days have kind of gotten me wonderin' if that is just an easy way to cop out of dealing with issues and and all this self-hatred I have for myself. It is all a weird cycle for me, addiction, because when I am not a full-blown addict (coke, sex, painkillers, benzos, throwing up, whatever) I am constantly hitting myself over the head for the times that I was. Then I create these crazy high expectations for myself, expectations to make up for "lost time", expectations that are absolutely impossible to reach and then I get so depressed about never reaching my goals that I swing in to some sort of addiction. I just need to admit to myself that I do regret some aspects of being an addict (past, present, and future), but really I shouldn't, because yeah I did some real fucking shitty things, and I hurt a lot of people, and I was basically a big ole' turd, but I learned so much, I know more about myself than most people, and I am sure, one day, knowing how to create the perfect line of powder on someone's stomach will come in handy. Just not in the drug way. Maybe in the sexy sex powder kinda way. I dunno. On that note, hurrr:

Missed Connections Part Deux

Us: sorry about hitting on you via our blog since you have a super cute lady.


You: probably didn't even know we hit you up. but we did. our bad.


On to more important things. I live in Savannah now, I don't know what that means, but I do. Hopefully Bookcase comes soon, cause I might wander into a gaggle of people with guns who want all my money. Which would be alright because I don't have any, but I will give them my cigarettes I guess, because that is what I spend my money on, so therefore the most valuable thing I will be carrying. Besides my cellphone, but it's Sprint, and no one wants that. Thing is I lived in Birmingham for two years and never once did I turn a corner on a dark night and fear what might be on the other side. Last night I did that. Butt I will blame that on Raisin Bran ruining any idealism I had about race relations in Savannah. Pft.



P.S. instead of BEING mugged, Bookcase and I will be DOING the mugging. don't worry though, we will give you a klonopin before hand.

Missed Connections

You - most adorable thing in Marc by Marc Jacobs store, called us out on our "chastity blog".

Us - well, obviously we are us.

Might be love, or not, might be love with your adorable friends that I am sure you have. Whatever the case may be, we will be at Hang Fire, a bar where apparently shirtless boys (heterosexuality questionable) grind on each other. Come grind on ME, or Bookcase, preferably me though, since Bookcase has a boy at home and I hear he is the jealous type. Plus I am hornier than her. TONIGHT.

updates yo

so we are in savannah. right now. literally as i type. linze just got a motha fucka job! IN YO FACE BITCH COOKIE! and we are apartment hunting all afternoon. both of us are on cute boy/girl overload and poota looks like she could sophie hump the next bearded tattood dude who bikes by. lesbians are in shorter supply but we are keeping our eye bawlz peeld.

if anyone is out there, in savannah, and reading this, please please let us know. we would love to hang out with you.

apparently

I have slut written across my forehead.

the dream

last nite i had a dream that a woman was downtown munchin on my muffin, but this wasn't just any ordinary munch, this lady could tell me everything about my soul the more she munched. it was awesome and so romantic! like best sex dream ever. not only am i getting my pussy ate, but i am getting told how totally rad i am by this girl who doesn't know me but can sense my radness from my vag juice! AWESOME! that would make drunken random sex totally worth it, because if you tell how someones soul was by just sharing a sexual experience with them, or how they tasted then you wouldn't have to do the whole post drunk sex dance: "do i call them, are they gonna call me, is it worth it, blah blah blah". you can just be like, eh, their soul tasted kinda shady, not gonna respond to their text tonight. but i mean i wouldn't really want to try this out on boys, because I am not a huge fan of jizz in my mouth. sometimes, but uh, not really. lady juice however, totally cool. man i wish dreams were like real life.

speaking of dreams, i'm fukin obsessed with this song these days, and i am totez stoked to have kanye spittin the ryhmes again.

shawty fire startin'

BOOKCASE AND I ARE MOVING TO SAVANNAH IN A MONTH. IF YOU KNOW WHERE WE COULD GET JOBS - PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE - LET US KNOW. Also, good areas of town to live, good places to eat, and even better place to get drunk. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY PLACES THAT WILL EMPLOY US. Any help would be, well, helpful. xoxoxoxox.

omgzzzzzz

dudes. shits been all over the place and I have obvi been slackin on the whole blizzog thang. I've been working and sleeping and stressing and totez lost, but yesterday I got my horny back (no lie, I done lost it fer a lil'bit) and so I got yakked a couple o' times and I feel all is well in the universe again. I am schedule for my advisement at good ole armstrong state, I got my finacial aid package and shit is awesome, Imma taking my st00pid COMPASS math test the 16th of july, and Bookcase and I are taking Savannah by storm in a couple of weeks with our whirlwind apartment/job/cute people to flirt with hunt that will surely be a success. I think the best thing about right now is that this time last year I was falling in some deep puppy love, and instead of reminscing on how great summer crushes are I am remembering how dysfunctional and abusive that puppy love turned out to be, and so I'm like: dude fuck that shit. I'm chill with hanging with me dog and me sister and me Bookcase, and also I got a lot of good non-fiction bookz the other day so me mind is occupied with non-frivolous thoughts and I am almost feeling happy. content - obvi. happy- almost. AND I GOT MY HORNY BACK. skore.

haley joel osment would be proud of me

well. i was supposed to go to new bern NC to see my lil cuz graduate high school yesterday. but alt fuckd me over again and i was stuck in the airport... again. thank gawd for hawt starbucks urban man who gave me a muffin for being fantastic. i sweet talked a delta rep into putting me on a flight back to greenville and now im back in SC laying at the pool wishing poota would call me and stop being near death sick. this nice lady at starbucks yesterday paid for my moms and my green tea cuz she had a death in the family and wanted to do something nice. we were in line at the drive through and when we pulled up the hawt drive thru gurl was like "oooh, she got you." so thank you nice lady. while i was in the airport in atl i paid for a portly gentlemans coffee behind me in appreicate and cuz ive seen pay it forward and hopefully just started a national, no global, movement of peace, kindness, and socially irresponsible starbucks coffee buying. in any case, pass it on.

IM PREGNANT

I think it is really funny how both Bookcase and I eagerly await the arrival of our menstrual cycle, fretting if it's late, rejoicing when it arrives. Why do we do this? We aren't having sex, there are no naked penises near our naked vaginas, there is absolutely NO WAY either one of us could be getting preggers right now. (Except for my whole Tupac making me the chosen one and shit.) Is it so ingrained in our female psyche to actually think that EVERY MONTH THERE IS A POSSIBILITY OF US GETTING PREGNENT? Basically yeah. It is so ridiculous. My period is two days late and I am stealing pregnacy tests from publix, even if I haven't had sex in three months. Obviously, being women that, in the past, have been quite sexually active we have become so socialized to think that a baby could be growing inside of us at any moment. I was this way even when I was a lesbian, I mean I actually did get pregnant while I was a lesbian, but that is a whole other story furreals.

gewd

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the inferno and other fine establishments in greenville

poota and i met and hung out in greenville yesterday and today. here is what we did:

1. tried to go to the only gay club in town butt it was clozed
2. wore outrageous heelz and drank at a fancy schmancy bar
3. hung out with platinum and his momma
4. ran into 2.83... weird
5. got green hair extensions
6. had a very intense conversation about something we both cannot remember
7. went to the pool
8. tried to find any clothing with fringe
9. got molested on the dance floor by a urban man
10. got told i (bookcase) had a badonkadonk... yes. its true.
11. pootalatte got called paris hilton by a lot of urban people
12. finished the night by going to a place called "the inferno"

smooth sailing

so my mom got me and my sister one of those new schick razors that had the creepy commercials, you know the one with the bikini trimmer on the other end. well i decided to get fancy and SHAVE IT ALL OFF. this is the first time i have been pubic hair free since, well puberty. not gonna lie, it's kind of a turn on, like it feels different down there, i dunno, maybe i'm just tard-o. butt like seriously, that shit is much cooler, like my vagina is temperaturely cooler, not as sweaty. not as moist, i mean it's still moist, butt not like cootch sweat moist. whatevs, i think it's kinda neat, i might do it again, i dunno, who knows.

Who will go dancing with me Slursday night?

You?

Circle:

Yes or No

@205.249.8335

Single White Female

Likes: benzos, whiskey, miller high life in a can, taking her dog on long car rides, the ocean, bikinis, pall mall light 100s, the occasional conversation on current affairs, perezhilton.com, looking cute, glittery eyeshadow, fake nails, hip-hop music, dancing, microwaved coffee, sofie tophu, fried chicken, fried anything, milos sweet tea, and daydreams

Looking For: someone (no gender preference) who: doesn't say lol or use emoticons ;), likes small annoying dogs, has read the His Dark Materials Trilogy or atleast doesn't care that I have, understands that fake nails are easily removeable, can walk it out, will dance with me - and not just at weddings - , will watch gossip girl every monday night at 8 pm on the CW, will watch most anything that comes on at 8pm on the the CW, doesn't hate but appreciates, and wears skinny jeans.

home

issues

I am having issues. masturbatory issues. when I do do it, i get some sort of weird vaginal infection. now don't be grossed out, girls get vaginal infections ALL THE TIME and they just don't tell anybody, but I'm puttin it out there to the world. now I think these infections are coming from the brand of lube I am using - walmart - so it's like maybe the 'name brand' shit really is better. but I stole a HUGE BONUS sized bottle of the shit, and I hate to waste it, so maybe next time I got to birmingham I will pass it along to the boys and get myself some fancy ky shit. so anyways, the fact that masturbating makes my vagina feel icky and sad afterwords is no good. so I just stopped. I stopped for like two weeks. SERIOUSLY. this break in my masturbating routine led to a very frustrated and angry pootalatte. shit got really intense. I told my mom she was crazy and that she needed to see a doctor, I punched a judge in the face, I started cutting, AND I stopped eating. jokes. but I was really, really angry and depressed and two nights ago I caved and jerked the chain and I think I am starting to feel a little bit better. but what do I do? live with vaginal burning all the time when I do masturbate, or become a hateful person when I don't masturbate. issues I say.

rob please be friends with me

rob dyrdek please please come be my friend and possibly fall in love with me. I'm trying to watch you on TV, talk to pootalatte, (she insists that im ignoring her) and write this blog all at the same. if anything, we would have a lot of fun, break stuff, jump off of stuff, and our dogs would play together.

college educated

Bookcase, just today, used her huge college educated brain and figured out that I have had anal sex. I find this ridiculous, because I am positive I have told her, besides the fact that I also tend to spread it around while drunk off the finest pussy juice in dixie. I just have a hard time believing that we haven't had in depth conversations on my fun times with butt sex. Maybe now she will use her huge college educated brain and figure out the ANAL IS AWESOME. hahaha. I wonder if this is a future loop hole. Like those krazy kristians who think anal sex will protect their virginity. Well, like maybe now we (I) can have anal sex and protect our (my) celibacy. I just like saying anal sex. anal. sex. anal anal anal. sex sex sex.

xoxoxoxoxo. poota.

nitemare

I cant believe I blogged about Perez Hilton. fukin stoopid. still tho, don't hate on my boo'z. I can't believe its been almost two months since I have had sex. fukin stoopid. it is making me angry, snarky, bitchy, catty, ornery, horny, and just over all totally fuckin pissed off. lame. I really just want to go dancing and not get so drunk that I pass out in the backseat of my car after 15 minutes of droppin it like its hot. I want to make out. and for fucks sake I don't want to have to masturbate. it's like my body was like hornyhornyhornyhorny and now its like hornyhornyhornyhorny-but wait-I'm tired of jerking off-nothornynothornynothornynothorny. shit suxxx dude. I work ALL THE TIME so I have absolutely no time with the pup and it is making me depressed. kjbahraoisdeilksjdlksaflksjdaiuaiudlikfsaliedasuifsazlikda. fuk.

urban

perez hilton is racist. i hate him. he said the soulja boy is delusional because soulja boy is thinks that he can have a multi-platinum album. SOULJA BOY CAN DO WHATEVER WANT HE IS GENIUS. and then he hated on T.I. because Tip is going to jail. HE HAS NO IDEA WHY TIP IS GOING TO JAIL.



PEREZ HILTON IS RACIST AND GROSS.

put me in your ear

ever since poota got this job i havent heard from her nearly as much as i am accustomed to. i dont like this, no sir/ma'am/great white shark. this is why i am advocating we get those teeny tiny ear pieces like they have in the CIA and on that one episode of the office so that we can talk to each other constantly throughout the day. i was pretty grumpy the other day, i tried drinking a lot of caffeine to cheer myself up... that didnt work... then i tried beating up pickle... that didnt work.... then i ate some cake, which usually always works... it didnt... then i watched some battlestar galactica, that only made me cry... then i realized: I AM HAVING POOTALATTE WITHFUCKINGDRAWL CAUSE WE HAVENT TEXTD/TALKED IN 6 HOURS. sad i know, but a gurl needs her goo. what can i say?

are we there yet?

I got a job. thats kewl. it smells really nice there. so thats neat. I got good grades in skewl. thats a duh. Imma stressin out about next semester. lyke FUCKING STRESSING OUT. lyke snort little yellow lemon flavor pills every hour on the 12 spot stressed out. I tend to cry myself to sleep these days, and I can't decide if its: the stress, the overload of benzos up my nose, not enough benzos up my nose, or the fact that I'M LISTENING TO HALO BY BEYONCE ON REPEAT BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP. Imma gonna blame beyonce. all of my friends have girlfriends/boyfriends. fuck. my little sister has a boyfriend. normally this wouldn't bother me because I would be out there still gettin some pootang/dick, but I'm not. so it's all lyke WTF dudes, way to leave me drowning in my parents basement where my mom cries every three hours because she thinks my tattoos are opening up the doors for the demons of addiction to enter my body. news flash mom: YOU OPENED THE DOOR OF ADDICTION FOR ME. I am using alot of all caps. it's cause I am stressed and angry. lyke if those little yellow lemon flavored pills didn't go up my nose every hour on the 12 spot then seriously I would probably be in jail for brawling out on some stupid slut that looked at me the wrong way. which would probably be a friendly smile and head nod. speaking of jail, I go to court next week, hopefully I will have work off so I can stay an extra day in bhams and shotgun copious amount of miller high life with my shirt off on the front stoop of home. XOXO - pootalatte

blurp

back you up

so i got three job offers today. cause im the bomb-diggity. i decided to do the all natural body spa shoppe shit. whoooo. it pays ten bux an hour so i guess thats cool. bookcase is comin' like today or tomorrow morning. im fucking stoked. we are finally getting our bff tatz and making out. cause we did make out last time which is stupid. i endend up making out with crusty and i don't know why. fuckin whiskatea. its a good thing i got this job, it means i don't have to sell pills to my little sisters friends. imma bad person. im probably going to have sex soon. im gonna blame it on the fake nails. i can't fucking masturbate with these fake nails! and my vibrator suxxx! so unless you want me to implode and splew pootalatte vagina joose all over the place, there is just gonna have to be a loop hole. LOOP HOLE. i cant wait til bookcase gets here. and for her to whap me with her boobie, or atleast attempt to, i personally dont think her titties are big enough to give me a good whapping. i guess we shall see.

suggestions anyone?

while we have no problem finding trouble to get into while we are together, its nice to get a fresh take on the idea. there are exactly 36 hours seperating poota and myself, think people, think.

here are sum criteria:
1. we'd rather not get arrested, it messes with our mascara
2. no sex.... duh
3. please remember the things we already will be doing (fighting, drinking, making out, wrestling, shark wrangling, going to the doll house, thrift store shopping, annoying poota's sister, making a video application for MADE, dancing, going to a hipster party/bar, shredding) and try to think of something original.

typical

me: uhm
why are we emailing?
Bookcase: um i couldnt figure out how to work this
me: dork
Bookcase: ... whatever
i kept clicking on it.
me: well thank god you figured it out
Bookcase: oh well
im wacking you with my breast asap
me: OMG I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOUUUUUUUUU
Bookcase: I KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW
omfg. im soooo excited.
me: meeee tooooo
Bookcase: like creaming my pants excited
me: im not gonna be able to sleep ALL WEEK
Bookcase: hahahahaha
me tooooo
im gonna be planning outfits
me: oh i already am
i cant wait to have girl primp time!
Bookcase: and all the trouble we will get in to
hehehehe
heheheh
i sooooo need this
me: me tooooo!
shit
like furreal
Bookcase: like we are gonna sit down and figure shit out
me: truth
we need that
Bookcase: totez
me: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i don't want to move to portland
Bookcase: ok. i can do without it as well
me: i mean maybe one day
not now though
it would take way longer for me to graduate
Bookcase: yeah. thats no good. we want speedy graduation
me: truth
i gotta get this shit DONE
Bookcase: yup. we have a shanty in key west waiting
me: truth
blalaaaaalahaahaa. i wish it was wedssss
Bookcase: its driving me nutzzzz
im going to speeeeed
can i do laundry there? im outta undies
still...
me: hahahaha
of course
me case es yer casa
Bookcase: hahahahahhaha
yesssss
i gots ta peeeee
brbbbbb
me: kkk
Bookcase: back
me: yay
i think that i have a vag infection cuz i ran out of lube and was using vasoline to lubricate
Bookcase: omg omg om gom gomg omg
omg omg
omg
omg
me: ?????
Bookcase: me too
like seriously
freaky
me: ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahah
Bookcase: heheheheheheheheheheh
me: what is wrong with us?
Bookcase: this shit is unreal
we couldnt make this up
if we tried
me: i know!
fucking retarded
Bookcase: yup
tard-o
me: totez tard-o
i knew i shoulda not used the vasoline
Bookcase: um yeah
me: BUT SOMETIMES VAGINA IS JUST DRY
Britney: ew
i hear you
me: like it needs a lil help
Bookcase: we old
thats why
me: i stole some walmart brand lube today tho. bonus size
Bookcase: oooohhh
nice
me: i could ration some off into a container for you
Bookcase: hahahahahahaha
im gonna get some from work
we have organic shit
me: oooh fancy organic lube
i don't like that shit
Bookcase: no?
me: nah i play it old skewl
tho the organic condoms! way nice
Bookcase: yeah?
me: thur like 10 bux fer three
Bookcase: i gotta get sum
whoa
me: yuh they posh
Bookcase: bcbg sells em i bet
me: but smooooooth
hahahahahahahahah
Bookcase: yummy
me: now i just wanna have sex
i hate you
Bookcase: 24/7 in this breain
brain
me: its tard-o
Bookcase: totez
me: i don't ever remember thinking about sexxx this much be4
butttt maybe i did
Bookcase: we did
we just had more to talk about cuz we were having it
me: tru
postparty mornings
Bookcase: now we are just talking about not having it
me: baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh
Bookcase: i loooove them
me: we just need to intellectualize ourselves
Bookcase: i cant wait tilllll fri
me: I KNOWWWW
Bookcase: intellectualize?
me: yeah its a real word
Britney: no no. what u mean?
me: lyke um talk about more intellectual shit than sexxx
like um economics
Bookcase: right!
like broaden our fucking horizons
wait...
me: yes!
Bookcase: shit. i did it again
me: what?
Bookcase: fucking horizons? like have more sex
heh heh
me: hahahahahahhahahaha
Bookcase: like with urban men
or asians
me: yes
um
asians?
Bookcase: mmmmhmmm
me: thatz weird
Bookcase: asian ppl are weird?
me: my bffffff iz asian
he don't have sex
so itz weird. i dont think any of em do
Bookcase: trendyboy did
me: trendyboy wuz like philipinno or sum shit
Bookcase: youre right!
me: ISLANDERS
Bookcase: ok. the stereotype prevails
me: mhhmmmmm
cuz its tru
Bookcase: ok. im leaving. imma call you at 9 so its freeeee
me: kkkkkkkkk
Bookcase: peace gooo
me: byee!


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You've Got Mail

swear to fucking god I am turning bi-polor. I either need to be on the same drugs all the time or no drugs at all because all this pharmaceutical commotion is fucking with my mind. celibacy is blase these days. I'm pretty much bored to point where pulling tiny hairs out of my legs is amusing and gets my pussy wet. my life resembles something like a movie with tom hanks and meg ryan. I need someone to tell me what I am doing in three months. please? I don't care who it is that tells me, just give me something definitive. thanks.

this sux

well. bookcase's fone is fuckd up and I haven't spoken to her in almost 24 hours. and this morning was awful because I was convinced she had drunkly driven off the mountain and I went to such extremes as contacting 2.83 AND pickle. it was pickle who informed me of her existance, tho he did play a mean trick at first and kinda told me she was dead. FUCK YOU PICKLE. she's not, but I am going crazy because we talk like a million times a day and I have soooo much to tell her, like how I am going to interview at the Dollhouse (a strip club) tomorrow evening to be a cocktail waitress. I could cry right now I want my best friend.

REUNITED.

omg omg omg omg omg. i just got my schedule for next week and by the grace of the gods i have off the 7th and 8th.... which means, if you arent keeping track, that i will be going to visit pootalatte. i hope ya'll are ready for this. the last time we were together it was for about 4 hours while i was between flights in ATL. we watched chardonnay do some amazing tricks on the stripper pole and did not urinate anywhere but the toilet, as much as pootalatte would like you to believe otherwise. also it seems that its necessary for me to interview a certain male about the prospects of breaking this celibacy thing, which i have to say, im not happy about. hope he has some nice friends for me to hang out with since pootalatte has a tendency to run off when we are together, whiskatea is coursing through our veins, and she's hornier than christina ricci in black snake moan.

JOINT BLOCK PART DEUX

okay. bookcase and i are doing this joint blog thing. so after we finish arguing about me going poop we will get on to the blog. okay. argument finished. awkward silence. uuuhm now we discussing what the topic should be. bookcase is pondering. bookcase is feeling overwhelmed about boys talking about her boobies. creepy boy made a degrading comment about Bookcase's (there is a turkey in her backyard AT THIS MOMENT) boobies and it really upset it her, which is a valid thing. She thinks from the whole,wait, she doesn't know how to describe it, its like only her boyfriend can talk about her boobies. and me I can talk about her tits. like who the fuck is creepy boy to think that he can just go around talk about her boobs like they are a piece of meat. grade a sirloin A, btw. aaaaah sperm in the eye!!! little sperm swimming in your eyeballs looking for the egg, I wonder if they think the pupil is the egg. Bookcase doesn't think she will ever let a boy spluge on her ever again since dwarf spluged on without asking, now she thinks the whole spluging on the female body is awful. I disagree, and I think that she will get over this and enjoy spluge once again. I am playing an Alabama football quiz and losing. Bookcase is talking about ANTM. this post sux. uuhhhmmm. oh yeah! Bookcase is coming to visit hopefully MAY 7th! we are goin dancin' itz gonna be phun. 2.83 is moving back to greenville apparently. fuck the job market. now i am confirming that she can INDEED make out with boys of the gay variety. they are the best. ATLEAST YOU HAVE REAL FRIENDS BOOKCASE EVEN IF THEY ARE LAME (bookcase is clarifying that they are not lame, they are amazing). we are talking in crazy accents. now we are talking about how all my medications are the reason i never poop. boys boys boys.

this is an awesome joint post with BOTH pootalatte and bookcase. we are on the fone together, she is brushing her teeth...no wait...now she is dissing me to answer a fone call from a boy. bitch. anyways, while she is talking to "boy" I might as well admit I am talking to a boy too. He is nice and doesn't think I'm a slut. which is cool I guess. alright fuck bookcase. she failed to tell me that fone boy was actually arriving at her house at this very moment. so fuck her and fuck thi joint post. we will try again tomorrow.

southern summer 09

best part about summer: not having to wear clothes.
worst part about summer: going to walmart to stock up on MILOS and having all of gwinnett county see my nipples.

fuk.

gnargnar

so with all this energy that I am not wasting on sex I decided to make a butt flap. so when i am shreddin and I fall on my ass the flap will cushion the fall? anyways I don't know if there is a secret way to make one, but I am just going to go for it. itz gonna have T.I. lyrics on it. from the song "no matter what" that shit speaks to me.

this morning I was getting onto Bookcase for going on all these lame dates with lame dudes (from my perspective, I mean I have never met them but they sound lame) and I understand that she is bored up thurrrr in the mountains, but I mean seriously, Imma pretty fucking bored in the suburbs. so she was all like "well you should go out with cyber or american eagle or something" and was like "d00d, american eagle sux, so why would I waste time with him, AND cyber totally doesn't sux, so I would love to hang out with him EXCEPT I WOULD TOTALLY END UP FUCKING HIM!" Bookcase seems to think that I have enough self control to hang out with an attractive boy/girl/whatever and NOT fuck their brains out. She is delusional. I am not comfortable enough with my celibacy to be around attractive people without trying to have sex with them. she is, and kudos to her (except for the lame-o'z she is wasting her time with), butt I am certainly not. thats why I am trying to use my sexual energy krafting, sk8ting, and masturbating, so that maybe one day I will be comfortable enough with my no sex rule that I can hang out like a normal person. butt for now I will continue being a dorky, creepy, totally pathetic recluse. and I like it.

kickflip

I hate klonopin. I want my xanax back. this other shit is just making me angry. or maybe not having sex is making me angry. I actually think not having sex is making me more productive and creative, plus I have been sk8boarding alot which is a really great work-out so this whole celibacy thing might actually be working out. butt I still hate the klonopin.

crabwalk

shitz so fuckd. skewls almost over. i got good grades. 2 a'z and 1 b, i think. fml at home. i wish my doc would put me back on ambien cause i cant sleep. it's summer now, so he is going to try to get me off benzos. fml with doctors. imma gettin really good a skateboarding. i have a crush on a boy, but it is impossible that he has a crush on me back. i have faux crushes on millions of girls, but i don't know them so thats really creepy. im a perv because i would totally fuk an 18 year old and the general public (bookcase, my lil' sister, and my mom) all say thats gross. im already pretty tan which is kewl. if i don't get this spa job i will enter a deep state of depression that will lead to me not leaving the bed, taking copious amounts of benzos (that i have stockpiled), reading kerouac nonstop, giving up on life, dropping out of college again, not practicing my shredding, and losing my fabulous tan. i hate being a cancer. i get too fucking over-anaytical about things. like this job. and my crush. who i am not fucking really stressing out about, except i want to fuck him somemore and maybe get some validation on my feelings. I wish Saltshaker would call me sometimes and talk me thru my astrological meltdowns, because she is a cancer and knows all about it. astrology is fucking stoopid, i don't know what i am talking about. the last person i saw that was my age had gone to a nickleback concert the night before. where am i going to skewl next semester? fml.