some sausage for my soft taco

I am not even gonna lie ya'll, I have had the best sex of my life this past month. with myself. thing is, I haven't been forced to masturbate this often in a while, and for the past, uuuhhm, 3? years I've been on a cocktail of drugs that didn't do much for my pussy 'cept make it dry..make it a hard taco..ha. now (thank you dr. bowCOCK) I have a new cocktail of drugs and holy motherfucking shit mama's ready to go! it's incredible because I have a sex drive that finally matches my personality (a fourteen year old boy duhz) AND its a bummer because I'm not having sex. but no worries, I have spent the past month reaaaaally focusing on my masturbory skills and I've got it down. I even have choices of what kind of orgasm I am going to go for:

• The Quickie - whambamthankyoumam, finished in under 2 minutes and convienent when in the car, or school bathroom, and any other semi-secluded public place. this covers my fave sex thing - sex in publicish.
• The Squirt - now mind you, I have only accomplished this three times in my WHOLE life, twice with me and once with the unfortunate bitchfacecuntsquirreltwatfoot. Anyways, this takes a little finesse and my pink sausage, but with the right scented candles, the elusive g-spot orgasm will make an appearance. fun, but too much work usually.
• The Sitcom - this is my absolute favorite and I must say I have it down to a science! when I have more than five minutes to dedicate to self-love then I usually settle down with my bottle of lube and lady gaga porn running through my head. It's all about almost climaxing, and then not, almost climaxing, and then not, etc. then when I am ready I just let it go and swear to gawd I will have like 6 orgasms that will just keep coming for up to thirty minutes, hence the name "the sitcom."

So basically it's cool. Imma doin' fine without person-to-person fucking, but I will get bored soon and that is when the real challenge will come.