the ins and outs of anal

Bookcase and I talk about anal penetration almost as much as we talk about vag vomit, and for your information the words "vag vomit" leave our mouths at least 40 times a day, so yeah, we talk about anal sex A LOT. since we talk about it so much I have decided to do an entry on anal etiquette for all you fuck wads who don't what to do when it comes to the butthole.

Two Rules, Dudes:

FIRST. AND FOREMOST. ASK. Listen folks, it's not that complicated, just ask us if we want something up our butt. Don't assume that we DO want something up our ass, but also don't assume that we DON'T want something up our ass, so that is why asking is an easy solution. Then once you have that discussion with us and you are having some what consistent sex with us then you will begin to know when is an appropriate time for butt pleasure and you won't necessarily have to ask, but generally, it's a good idea to get the a-okay.

SECOND. AND EQUALLY IMPORTANT. LUBRICANT. No matter the size or shape of the object entering our buttholes please please please make sure it is lubricated. The first choice for lubricant would be that we have extra juicy vaginas and are able to use some of the yummy pussy juice to lubricate our ass hole, but most women aren't extra juicy, and when I say extra juicy, I mean really really extra juicy. Second choice would obviously be the lube outta the bottle, and folks, don't be stingy when it comes to lube, go for the more expensive (and preferably all natural) shit, nobody wants to use Dollar Tree lube, it just doesn't work. Now if you don't have access to lube (then you're a tard-face) you can resort to saliva. PLEASE NOTE: saliva is only acceptable when inserting fingers into the ass, anything bigger and it isn't going to work and you will get a fist in the face.

Before I go onto discussing my three favorite ways to take it in the ass I want to note that never ever stick something in our asses and then immediately stick that same thing in our vags. There is all kinds of unfortunate bacteria that will most likely lead to a vaginal infection and just isn't any fun, so make sure if you're gonna double dip you clean that shit. Pun fully intended.

Okay, yippie! We know the two rules to anal, now we get to talk about some of the ways we can do it.

1. Finger Penetration: Fingers are awesome, they can be used in so many cool ways to get us ladies off and one of those ways is by putting them up our asses. I'm sure ya'll all know to keep your nails trimmed so that there is no scraping and make sure your hands are clean. There are two ways the fingers can be used for anal pleasure. There is the more common of vaginal penetration by a dick/dildo/vibrator/other fingers, this would be the more intense of the penetrations and then a finger or two up the ass, this is fine and all, but I sometimes find it to be positionally awkward. Now my favorite way to use the fingers would be being dildo/dick up the ass and fingers in the pussy. By using a larger object to penetrate the ass you can stimulate the g-spot from behind and use the fingers to further add to that stimulation, this can make for a very pleasing and lush orgasm. I find that fingers are easier to use to find the g-spot through the vagina than something stiff as a dildo or penis.

2. Dildos and Dicks!: If you are having heterosexual sex then obviously you dudes love sticking your dicks up our asses, and quite frankly we probably like it just as much as long as you know what you're doing. A dildo works just as well for me, especially sense I prefer the ladies. It is very important to remember to change the condom when going from vagina to ass and vice versa. There really isn't that much that I can say about dildos and dicks with out it being kind of redundant with the fingers. Use them all together. The more the merrier right?

3. Butt Plugs Fuck Yeah: My favorite of the ass hole pleasuring tools would be the butt plug. A nice, little plug up the ass while being deeply penetrated in the vagina covers all the bases. I enjoy the butt plug because it frees up that hand that would otherwise be occupied with the ass or the vagina. So get this: with butt plugs you can get anal pleasure, vaginal penetration, AND have your hair pulled, or your face slapped, or your throat choked, you know, whatever your pleasure.

That's it, got questions? Shoot em' at me.